Validation Hypothesis
Isabella McKenzie Parker © 2010
Validation and society
What do you regard as the ‘fundamental’ human quality that holds society together? Perhaps you might suggest qualities such as mateship, loyalty or altruism. I agree that these are important, but they are what can be referred to as ‘higher order’
qualities. I would suggest that deeper than that, at a more fundamental level, it is an inherent, hard-wired emotional need for validation – the ‘need to feel valued’ for who we are and for what we do. I would regard validation as the most important fundamental human need. Some may disagree. Perhaps you would say that being loved is the most important fundamental
need – or rather, feeling loved. I would argue that feeling loved is just one way in which we can feel validated since it indicates to us that someone whom we value regards us as worthy of giving their love.
As a social species, I believe that a fundamental feature of a harmonious society is social cohesion (as opposed to coercive unity). I would suggest that the incentive and mechanism for social cohesion is validation of the individual by other members of society which reaffirms personal sense of Self Worth. We all need to feel valued for who we are and for what we do. We need to feel valued by people who are significant in our lives - parents, family, friends, colleagues, employers and importantly, by self. Public figures need to feel valued by the public, politicians need to feel valued by voters, entertainers need to feel valued by their audiences and athletes need to feel valued by their supporters. This need for validation is hardwired into our brains, and from birth, guides us in developing self regulation of behaviour - beginning with the need to feel valued by parents. (How we feel valued by parents is discussed in "Self Esteem Parenting").
Perhaps it is more appropriate to say that we need to feel valued for who we are AND for what we do, because we need both in order to feel valued. If we feel that we are valued only for what we do but not for who we are, then we begin to feel that we are valued conditionally, only if we do something that is valued by others. Resentment is sure to follow, eventually. So, the message is, if you value someone simply for who they are, let them know how you feel. Don’t limit your acknowledgement of them to expressing appreciation only when they do something that you regard as worthy of praise.
Validation probably also plays a role in survival. We are more likely to protect and take care of what we value. Hence, parents are more likely to take care of children when they value them. Conversely, children are more likely to be neglected or abused when they are not valued by their parents. Children’s behaviour is therefore subconsciously motivated by the goal to be valued by their parents. When kids adapt their behaviour and find the role in which they receive parental validation, they may adopt that as their lifetime role in which they expect to achieve validation as adults. Unfortunately, while for many this is a successful strategy, often the adopted role may not be successful as an adult and may even become dysfunctional or maladaptive. (Examples are given under “Child Needs Unmet”).
We see around us where we live, that there are sectors of society which are not valued and are not taken care. In the ageist Western society we currently live in, the elderly are not valued but are regarded as an economic burden on society. In this age of increasing dependency on technology, their knowledge, skills, wisdom and experience are regarded as obsolete. They are regarded as useless and discriminated against when seeking employment. They are paid a pittance in a pension, many living alone and neglected by their families. Many elderly are institutionalised where they may be exploited financially or be subject to neglect and abuse. Individuals living on the street may be homeless and jobless through their own poor choices or circumstances outside their control. Since they are not ‘productive’ (ie, not paying income tax), they are not regarded as being of value to society. Conversely, we have all seen those global disaster movies where contingency plans for ‘survival of the species’ involves selecting survivors on the basis of their value to re-establishing society when the disaster is over. (OK, the selection process is not entirely based on who will be of value in re-building society. Selection can also be bought by wealthy individuals, as we saw in the movie, “2012”).
Need for validation vs ‘neediness’:
In adults, I need to distinguish between what I regard as the inherent, healthy, natural need for validation and behaviour that reflects unmet emotional needs during childhood. (Emotional needs and how they are met or unmet are discussed in "Self Esteem Parenting").
If parents do not adequately meet child developmental emotional needs for affection, attention and approval during childhood, then as adults, these needs do not simply go away, but remain as unmet. As adults, we continue to attempt to have these unmet needs met – by friends, family members and partners. If you have unmet emotional needs from childhood, then you are not alone since perfectly ideal childhoods with ideal parents are extremely, extremely, extremely rare. Most of us are likely to have some non-pathological residual unmet needs from our childhood. Some, more than others - will be referred to as ‘needy’, ‘approval seeking’ or ‘attention seeking’.
Individuals who court disapproval by attempting to shock or create controversy are also seeking to meet their need for attention (parental validation) which was unmet as children. Individuals with an inflated weak ego may engage in outrageous behaviour motivated purely by a need for recognition, fame or kudos to compensate for unmet needs. Acts of self aggrandisement for public acclaim are a feature of the narcissistic personality which has its roots in unmet or inappropriate parental validation. Individuals who lack any need for validation at all have probably been hurt, let down or
betrayed by someone they trusted so have shut down in self-protection mode – or else they have sociopathic tendencies.
Exploitation of need for validation:
So inherent is both the need for validation and the understanding of this need, that it is often exploited as a means of manipulation. Praise and compliments are legitimate expressions of acknowledgement. We may use them in a positive way to
boost the confidence of someone we care about when we see that person bogged down by negativity and lacking appreciation for their own qualities or efforts. However, insincere praise and compliments can be used as ‘bullshit’ to boost the ego of an unsuspecting target, with the aim of gaining some kind of favour. This may involve a so-called ‘friend’, employer, business transaction or being ingratiating towards an authority figure in order to improve personal or social standing. This may also be done with malicious intent by mean-spirited, small-minded individuals, setting a target up for a ‘fall’ as the victim of a sick joke.
Individuals with a healthy sense of Self Worth have a realistic sense of their value so are more likely to be able to see through such attempts at flattery. Individuals with a low sense of Self Worth generally find it difficult to accept compliments when genuine, but in their need for validation, may fall victim to such exploitation if the flatterer is insistent. Those with a low
sense of Self Worth who compensate with an exaggerated ego are generally unable to discern sincerity in praise so will be vulnerable to manipulation by insincere flattery that further inflates their ego - while the flatterer laughs behind their back.
Conventions of validation:
Society acknowledges and legitimises this role of validation in societal conventions which are not based in politics or law or in expectations of financial reward. What underlies human interactions in a harmonious society is a moral-based ‘code of social conduct’ such as ‘common courtesy’. Manners are based on principles of expressing appreciation for a service with a
‘thank you’, no matter how minor that service may be. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is one of the first lessons children learn in interpersonal exchanges. In exercising consideration and politeness for another, by listening so the speaker feels heard, we are expressing our appreciation for that person as a valued fellow-being. The person being treated with courtesy is being validated. I suggest this provides baseline validation. An extension of this ‘common courtesy’ is respect which is based on valuing others, property and ourselves.
We often hear that ‘respect has to be earned’. I would dispute that statement. Courtesy, consideration and manners do not have to be ‘earned’. Treating others with respect, courtesy and consideration says more about the giver than the receiver. A person with self respect is more likely to treat others with respect. In fact, such a person will treat everyone with respect,
whether it is earned or deserved or not. Not treating others with respect is a sign of a flawed character or weak ego. The respect that is referred to as being ‘earned’ is more about recognition of that person’s character, attitude, ability, service or achievement. This is in addition to being treated with respect simply on the basis of being validated as a worthwhile fellow being.
Society formally acknowledges and legitimises this role of validation by providing conventions for recognition of achievement and service that have been accomplished without expectation of payment or other form of reward. Public
awards reward people, letting them know that they, and what they have done, are valued. An example of being ‘valued for who they are’, in sport, there is an award for ‘fairest player’ which recognises that player’s spirit of sportsmanship and fair play. An example of being ‘valued for what they do’, in sport, there is an award for ‘most improved player’, in recognition of the commitment and effort that player has made. ‘Bravery’ awards recognise selfless acts in which the individual may have risked their own life to save that of another. In celebration of the Queen’s Birthday and Australia Day, honours are awarded in recognition of contributions of time and effort by individuals that have benefited some sector of society. (However, the honour of receiving these awards has been somewhat diminished by undeserving politicians who have been generously financially rewarded for doing a really bad job and continue to benefit financially from ‘jobs for the boys’ and with their snouts in the trough of taxpayers’ money, after retiring from politics). There are awards in specific industries such as ‘small business’, ‘women in small business’, ‘literary’, ‘journalism and reporting’ and various branches of the entertainment industry such as musical performance, movies and television. A more recent addition that acknowledges the importance of nature and the
fragility of our planet is awards for ‘ecological business practices’ in recognition of efforts to implement practices that conserve natural resources and reduce environmental pollution. Members of the military are awarded medals for valour - but there is no thought of being brave or receiving medals when they ‘do what they have to do’ in wartime. Then there are the ‘ordinary’
citizens. They may be humble individuals who simply have a desire to contribute to society by volunteering their time and efforts for charities. They may engage in unglamorous efforts such as picking up rubbish. They may act out of the desire to ‘make a difference’, voluntarily devote time and effort to causes they believe in or are passionate about. These ‘ordinary’ citizens do not seek public recognition, but when it comes, always unexpectedly, they experience a warm fuzzy glow, a dopamine-induced feeling of pleasure.
And that is how I see validation working! That dopamine-induced feeling which we need that makes life feel
worthwhile.
Role of dopamine:
Dopamine (a neurotransmitter or hormone) has several functions depending on the specific area of the brain its action is affecting. One of those roles is as a ‘reward’ hormone when it acts on the ‘pleasure centre’ in the brain, producing the sensation of pleasure. It is also known as a ‘reinforcing’ hormone since behaviour that is rewarded with pleasurable
feelings is likely to be repeated – and repeated, and repeated. The behaviour which triggers this dopamine release is thus driven by the motivation to repeatedly experience the pleasurable sensations. Words, actions or achievements that are acknowledged by other people with praise or expressions of appreciation will trigger off release of dopamine in the brain’s pleasure centre. Likewise, there are activities such as enjoying social interaction with friends (face-to-face, real communication without reliance on alcohol or drugs) that produce feelings of pleasure. This pleasure demonstrates an appreciation of each others’ company. Having ‘connections’ to friends, family and community and knowing you have their support is validating. An appreciation for the beauty of nature or listening to music that ‘touches the soul’ can also release dopamine.
Ok, being thanked for simply ‘passing the salt’ is not going to inject a massive dose of dopamine into the pleasure centre of your brain, resulting in you thinking, “Hey, the world is a wonderful place and it’s great to be alive”. But – just think how you feel when someone fails to treat you with courtesy! How do you react? Do you feel personally offended, as if you have been treated as though you are unworthy of courtesy or as if you didn’t exist at all? Or do you see the lack of courtesy as not being personal to you? Do you see it as a ‘sign of the times’ that ‘no one has values anymore’ and manners don’t seem to matter anymore? Do you simply regard that individual as being a rude ignoramus? Or, do you just sadly shake your head and think what a poor job the parents did in raising that person? As my mother would say, “They weren’t brought up – they were dragged up”! Maybe ‘thank you’ for even trivial services does produce a small drop of dopamine after all - maybe courtesy, consideration, manners and respect contribute to a ‘baseline’ dopamine release.
Acknowledgement and satisfaction are not limited to recognition by others and reference has been made to being valued by self. This includes valuing the inner self and valuing personal experiences that provide pleasure and/or satisfaction. Experiences such as an appreciation for beauty of nature or listening to music that is uplifting or touches the soul or smelling a rose or wriggling toes in wet sand at a wave recedes or watching kittens play, all release dopamine.
Personal satisfaction with who we are or with our achievement or productive effort also trigger off release of dopamine in the pleasure centre - even if no one else is there to give recognition to our efforts. For example, when I get the mower out of the shed, I think to myself, “I am so-o-o-o over cutting grass – I wish it wouldn’t grow so fast”. However, when I finish mowing the grass on my property and look around in admiration at how beautiful it looks, it ‘feels good’. I experience satisfaction for a job well done - dopamine release.
Likewise, many people receive satisfaction from their job, sport, hobby or other activities. Giving generously and selflessly, of money, time and effort to help individuals or the community – other-focus activities - without the motivation of “what’s in this for me?” kind of thinking, also produces a ‘feel good’ sense of satisfaction at having done something worthwhile. Simply feeling valued for who we are and for what we do - whether valued by self or others - and having an appreciation for our meaningful pleasurable experiences and satisfaction in our lives, all produce a sense of wellbeing, which cumulatively, makes life feel worthwhile. Perhaps in encompassing all these 'natural sources' of dopamine release, the concept of validation can be expanded to Validation of our life! Without what I refer to as these 'natural sources' of dopamine, life may feel empty, meaningless, lacking satisfaction and just not worthwhile at all. Without these ‘natural sources’, there is likely to be a dopamine deficit in the pleasure centre of the brain.
Pursuit of hedonism – a 'compensatory’ source of dopamine:
Hence, individuals who do not feel valued or do not have anything ‘rewarding’ or 'satisfying' in their life may be vulnerable to seeking ‘compensatory’ sources of dopamine stimulation in self-focus activities. This can be obtained by ‘instant gratification’ from consumption of substances (such as drugs, alcohol or highly palatable or high calorie food) or behaviour (such as gambling, promiscuous casual sex, pornography, compulsive shopping, out-of-control internet use or computer games) that have the potential to become addictive. These activities are an easy source of dopamine since they do not require character, talent or effort. However, the effect obtained is transient and lacking the satisfaction such as that obtained from validation, so needs to be repeated often. It has been suggested that it is the reinforcing quality of dopamine in the pleasure centre that is responsible for developing addictions. (See ‘ahead’ for an alternative explanation).
Perhaps I can draw an analogy here between the concept of a dopamine deficit in the pleasure centre of the brain and Parkinsonism. One of the functions of dopamine is smooth and coordinated physical movement. When there is a deficit of dopamine in the part of the brain responsible for physical movement, the result is Parkinsonism, a condition characterised by shaky and jerky movement of the head, arms and legs. This dopamine deficit is supplemented by a medicinal form of dopamine to treat the Parkinsonism. Likewise, it could be said that supplementing a dopamine deficit in the brain’s pleasure centre with dopamine provided from compensatory sources (ie, potentially addictive substances and behaviours such as drugs, alcohol, casual sex, pornography, gambling, gaming, shopping, high calorie food) is a form of ‘self medication’ for individuals who do not feel valued and whose lives do not feel rewarding, satisfying and worthwhile. This dopamine deficit and vulnerability to succumbing to compensatory sources of dopamine may be exacerbated by the erosion of values such as ‘common courtesy’. I have hypothesised that ‘common courtesy’ provides a baseline level of validation and dopamine release into the pleasure centre.
Can this dopamine deficit due to lack of validation or lack of anything rewarding or satisfying in a person’s life be the underlying reason for the so-called ‘addictive personality’? This ‘diagnostic term’ is used to account for those who may succeed in overcoming an addiction, only to replace it with an addiction to something else. Genetic explanations for behaviour serve two functions – to absolve the individual from responsibility and to conclude that the condition is untreatable so there is no expectation that the affected individual can change, hence no pressure to change.
Hedonism can be regarded as an inadequate substitute for validation. (More on a "Self Medication Model" in "Drugs and Alcohol" under "More Info"). Like ‘high calorie’ foods (ie, high in sugar, fat, starch and lacking nutrient value) are said to provide ‘empty calories’, hedonic pursuits that are high in ‘dopamine release’, produce ‘empty pleasure’.
‘Liberation’ without Validation:
Those who fought for and achieved liberation from what they perceived to be constraints of moral codes of behaviour regarded their achievements as victorious. They were unaware that they cannot liberate us from our biology. While they thought it was ‘liberating’ to engage in ‘instant gratification’ (eg, drugs, alcohol, casual sex, pornography) and ‘freedom from responsibility’ for personal behaviour, what they did not realise was that there were ‘constraints’ of human biology. They thought pursuing instant gratification without responsibility for consequences was exercising ‘freedom’. Ironically, they are being dictated to by their biology. The human body has survival mechanisms and a capacity for adaptability – so, if validation and natural sources of dopamine are less available, then the body is accepting of dopamine release from whatever compensatory sources are available. Even if that means problems of addiction taking over control. Biological survival mechanisms do not have the capacity to evaluate options and discard those that will have negative outcomes – the brain needs dopamine and it needs it now and any source will do. It is the role of higher brain functions to evaluate options and make intelligent choices that are in the best interests of the individual. When the individual chooses to bypass intelligence and relinquish decision making to lower level biological functions (ie, pursuit of sensate pleasures), it also means relinquishing control – relinquishing freedom. Individuals who are in denial of their addiction defend their choice to seek addictive compensatory sources of dopamine (such as drugs, casual sex, alcohol or cigarettes) by claiming they are adults so are ‘able to make up their own mind’. Delusional. They are not using the adult higher intelligence to make this decision – they have relinquished decision-making to their lower, physiological mind.
Libertarians believed that 'instant gratification', 'non-responsibility', 'permissiveness' and liberation from a moral code of conduct would give them freedom. Ironically, instead of achieving freedom, what the followers of libertarian values have achieved is ‘bondage’. In rejecting decision making by free volition of ‘self regulation’ of behaviour according to a moral code of conduct based on validation - much of society has adopted the ‘bondage’ of hedonistic addictive behaviours which take away free will.
Validation or hedonism?
Given that the mechanism for feeling pleasure is dopamine in the ‘pleasure centre’, then does it really matter which path is utilised – validation or hedonism? Why bother making the effort of self regulation (eg, self discipline, self monitoring, self
evaluation) and consideration for others required for validation if the same outcome can be achieved by self-focused indulgence in pleasure-seeking activities that provide instant gratification? Fact - the outcomes are not the same!
The important point to consider is that dopamine-induced pleasure is itself not the end-point goal, but merely an intermediary mechanism. The role of dopamine is reward, the mechanism which reinforces desired behaviour by producing motivation to repeat the behaviour - again and again and again ad infinitum. Hence, the behaviour that elicits the dopamine-induced pleasure provides its own means of reinforcement. In achieving validation, dopamine-induced pleasure is accompanied by the 'cognitive' component of meaning attributed to the pleasure which produces a cognitive-affective sense of satisfaction or fulfilment which in turn, results in the belief that life is worthwhile. Or, validation of your life! By contrast, dopamine-induced pleasure from compensatory means (ie, instant gratification) lacks any meaning and lacks any sense of satisfaction. Instead, it is accompanied by a sense of emptiness - and the need (ie, craving) to keep repeating the behaviour (ie, addictive) in a futile attempt to fill that emptiness. Just like a lab rat wired up with electrodes implanted into its brain, mindlessly driven to continuously press a lever that stimulates dopamine release in the pleasure centre. Hence, rather than the dopamine-induced pleasure being the endpoint or goal, it is cognitive and the cognitive-affective components of evaluation of yourself and the life you are living as being worthwhile and satisfying that is the true goal.
Hedonic pursuits (ie, behaviour that is engaged in for the express purpose of the pleasure of a ‘dopamine hit’) are going to be empty, meaningless, lack satisfaction, lack fulfilment.
Love and lust:
Surprise! Surprise! Scientists have identified neurological differences between lust and love.‘While lust triggers the part of the brain that responds to pleasure, it seems love lights up the region that gives pleasure meaning, thus is more satisfying’. Hence, the emptiness of meaningless casual sex that fails to provide satisfaction. In the futile pursuit of pleasure to fill the empty void within, this casual sex is repeatedly repeated, thus becoming reinforced by dopamine to become behaviour that is described as promiscuous sex - or sex addiction.
Dopamine and addiction:
Dopamine has been hypothesised as being responsible for addiction, but is that the real answer or just a simplistic one that satisfies those with a narrow focus on psychoactive drugs? Undoubtedly dopamine plays a role, but if you consider all the activities that are natural sources of dopamine release which do not become addictive, then the question of the role of dopamine in addiction needs a wider scope of investigation.
‘Hedonic adaptability’ is a term applied to materialistic sources of pleasure (ie, compensatory sources of dopamine) such as consumerism, acquisition of wealth and possessions. This means that after a time, they fail to produce the same pleasure. We are no longer happy with what we have but want or need more in order to produce the same amount of pleasure we originally felt. It seems that we can never have enough in the pursuit of satisfaction. In drug and alcohol use, this phenomenon of reduced pleasure and the need for more to produce the same effect is referred to as developing tolerance to a drug. ‘Hedonic adaptability’ and ‘tolerance’ are features of addiction.
However, this ‘hedonic adaptability’ and ‘tolerance’ do not develop to what I refer to as natural sources of dopamine. For example, each time I mow the grass on my property, I do not experience this ‘hedonic adaptability’ and I do not feel the need to cut more grass or cut it more often in order to achieve the same satisfaction. In fact, I am in no danger of ever, ever, ever becoming addicted to mowing the grass!!!! Volunteers performing community services experience a sense of satisfaction, but over time and projects, does the satisfaction diminish due to ‘hedonic adaptability’? Do they have to volunteer more often in order to achieve the same satisfaction – and eventually become addicted? Of course not! If you give a friend a hug (or you receive one), both giver and receiver experience a dopamine boost, but after you have given or received a number of hugs over time, does the pleasure experienced each time lessen, due to hedonic adaptability? Do you feel the need to give and
receive more hugs or longer hugs or tighter hugs in order to achieve the same pleasure? Are you at risk of becoming addicted to giving and receiving hugs? Of course not – and what nonsense to even suggest it, yet that is the logical conclusion to draw if it is dopamine per se that is responsible for addiction.
I would suggest an alternative explanation to account for hedonic adaptability, tolerance and addiction. The key is the cognitive component of meaning and the associated cognitive-affective component of satisfaction which is the basis of the
difference between what I have referred to as natural and compensatory sources of dopamine. Natural sources have meaning
and produce satisfaction but compensatory sources are meaningless and produce emptiness. Addiction can therefore result for compensatory sources of dopamine but not for natural sources.
There may appear to be contradictions here in some natural, biological-based behaviours that can result in addictions and this requires clarification. Consumption of food in response to hunger is motivated by the experience of pleasurable feelings. Reproduction of the species is motivated by the pleasure experienced in sexual intercourse. However, in addition to these natural motivations, food and sex also have an acquired motivation (ie, used as compensatory sources of dopamine). For food, acquired motivation is consumption not related to the true physiological needs of the body. It is not true hunger, but may be for pleasure (ie, a dopamine 'hit') or to meet an emotional need for affection or comfort or to relieve boredom, to fill the emptiness due to lack of validation. (Consuming food also releases endorphins which are the body’s own analgaesic. This has a natural function of producing a feel good mood after eating an enjoyable meal that satisfies true hunger, but in comfort eating, functions more as an emotional analgaesic). Likewise with sex. Love gives sex meaning which is satisfying so sex does not become addictive. Lust and promiscuous sex are meaningless and empty, hence addiction and the futile pursuit to find satisfaction.
Summary of sources, role and effects of dopamine
Natural sources:
Role: Reinforcing motivation
* Survival behaviours such as consumption of food and water, procreation.
* Socially desirable behaviours (eg, training kids how to behave involves rewarding desired behaviours with praise, hugs or an enjoyable activity, NOT FOOD or expensive ‘must haves’; dog training involves reinforcing new behaviours with the reward of praise, a small morsel for food or an enjoyable activity such as playing with their ball).
Role: Pleasure that makes life worthwhile
*Enjoyment from recreational activities such as art, music, singing, dancing, beauty of nature, a refreshing swim on a hot day, non-competitive games, entertainment, anything humorous, sex in a loving relationship, antics of a playful pet, a smiling baby.
* Validation from activities that result in recognition of effort and achievement and/or personal satisfaction
Compensatory sources:
* Hedonic activities in pursuit of sensate pleasure such as alcohol, drugs, casual sex, high calorie food, gambling, pornography, non-essential consumerism and materialism.
Effect of dopamine sources – short and long term:
* Enjoyable activities which are a natural source of dopamine produce pleasure plus meaning in a cognitive component of appreciation. Afterwards, there remains a residual effect that is cumulative, contributing to ongoing cognitive-affective sense
of wellbeing.
* Activities that result in validation produce pleasure plus meaning that gives satisfaction/ fulfilment. This is cumulative, producing cognitive-affective sense of life being worthwhile
* Hedonic pursuits that are compensatory sources result in dopamine-induced pleasure which is empty, without meaning, lacking in satisfaction or fulfilment. There is no residual positive effect therefore there is no cumulative benefit. Instead, after the transitory dopamine hit wears off, there is more likely to be ‘let down’, emptiness. This contributes to an ongoing lack of well being and lack of cognitive-affective sense of life being worthwhile. An ongoing pursuit of dopamine ‘hits’ is required to relieve or ward off the ‘emptiness’ and maintain an illusion or delusion of life being ‘fun’.The dopamine ‘reinforces behaviour’ but the repetition becomes an ongoing futile pursuit of satisfaction or fulfilment that is addiction rather than simply repetition.
Stimulating jaded appetites:
When compensatory sources of dopamine lose their effect, (ie, when tolerance develops) there is a pursuit of novel ways to reinstate the original pleasurable experience. Different drugs are combined or used with alcohol in an attempt to recreate the original ‘hit’ experienced. As casual sex becomes even more meaningless and empty, it descends further into soul destroying depths with innovations to achieve pleasure. Pornography that is demeaning to women may be added in preparation for (or in place of) having sex and may lead to adoption of sadism and masochism, bondage and discipline. Cocaine may be used to enhance sexual experiences, but the downside is that afterwards, the user is unable to enjoy sex without cocaine as they find sex without it to be ‘boring’. ‘Asphyxiation’ (by strangulation or a plastic bag over the face) is an attempt at improving sexual experience with the‘near-death’ release of endorphins. We could see the fatal consequences of misjudging this sort of sexual experimentation, in the movie, “Rising Sun”, featuring Sean Connery and Wesley Snipes investigating the death of the beautiful blond found on the boardroom table.
Society addicted:
Since the liberation movements in the second half of the 20th century, moral values were abolished in favour of values of permissiveness, the pursuit of instant gratification in hedonic activities. Shallow values prevail, personality is valued over character, celebrity valued over achievement, sex appeal valued over ability, image valued over substance, narcissistic attention valued over respect. It could be said that society is addicted to compensatory sources of
dopamine in the endless futile pursuit to fill the inner void.
Conclusion - Validation and Happiness:
In accordance with social values and advertising for the past forty-odd years, the pursuit of happiness has been the pursuit of wealth and materialism and the pursuit of self-focus in activities that provide instant gratification. This message is being passed on to educate children, encapsulated in the whimsical, but explicit promo, “Happiness is a Happy Meal”.
However, there is a growing realisation that materialism and instant gratification have not delivered on their promise. Instead, there are low levels of self esteem, wellbeing and life satisfaction and increasing levels of mental illness – and lots of anger in society. There is now a greater awareness that the importance of quality of life is not so much about material wants but more about factors such as mental and emotional wellbeing and happiness. Hence, conferences, discussions and research seek to find the answer to the questions of what happiness is and how to achieve it. Some elements identified that contribute to happiness via dopamine release include: gratitude for what we have, appreciation of nature, acts of kindness, altruism.
I would suggest that validation also contributes to happiness - feeling valued for who you are and for what you do and having sources of satisfaction in your life that make life feel worthwhile, ie, having natural sources of dopamine release in your life. If you do not feel valued (by self and others) and your life is lacking satisfaction and does not feel worthwhile - it is lacking natural sources of dopamine release - then how can you experience happiness?
Validation and society
What do you regard as the ‘fundamental’ human quality that holds society together? Perhaps you might suggest qualities such as mateship, loyalty or altruism. I agree that these are important, but they are what can be referred to as ‘higher order’
qualities. I would suggest that deeper than that, at a more fundamental level, it is an inherent, hard-wired emotional need for validation – the ‘need to feel valued’ for who we are and for what we do. I would regard validation as the most important fundamental human need. Some may disagree. Perhaps you would say that being loved is the most important fundamental
need – or rather, feeling loved. I would argue that feeling loved is just one way in which we can feel validated since it indicates to us that someone whom we value regards us as worthy of giving their love.
As a social species, I believe that a fundamental feature of a harmonious society is social cohesion (as opposed to coercive unity). I would suggest that the incentive and mechanism for social cohesion is validation of the individual by other members of society which reaffirms personal sense of Self Worth. We all need to feel valued for who we are and for what we do. We need to feel valued by people who are significant in our lives - parents, family, friends, colleagues, employers and importantly, by self. Public figures need to feel valued by the public, politicians need to feel valued by voters, entertainers need to feel valued by their audiences and athletes need to feel valued by their supporters. This need for validation is hardwired into our brains, and from birth, guides us in developing self regulation of behaviour - beginning with the need to feel valued by parents. (How we feel valued by parents is discussed in "Self Esteem Parenting").
Perhaps it is more appropriate to say that we need to feel valued for who we are AND for what we do, because we need both in order to feel valued. If we feel that we are valued only for what we do but not for who we are, then we begin to feel that we are valued conditionally, only if we do something that is valued by others. Resentment is sure to follow, eventually. So, the message is, if you value someone simply for who they are, let them know how you feel. Don’t limit your acknowledgement of them to expressing appreciation only when they do something that you regard as worthy of praise.
Validation probably also plays a role in survival. We are more likely to protect and take care of what we value. Hence, parents are more likely to take care of children when they value them. Conversely, children are more likely to be neglected or abused when they are not valued by their parents. Children’s behaviour is therefore subconsciously motivated by the goal to be valued by their parents. When kids adapt their behaviour and find the role in which they receive parental validation, they may adopt that as their lifetime role in which they expect to achieve validation as adults. Unfortunately, while for many this is a successful strategy, often the adopted role may not be successful as an adult and may even become dysfunctional or maladaptive. (Examples are given under “Child Needs Unmet”).
We see around us where we live, that there are sectors of society which are not valued and are not taken care. In the ageist Western society we currently live in, the elderly are not valued but are regarded as an economic burden on society. In this age of increasing dependency on technology, their knowledge, skills, wisdom and experience are regarded as obsolete. They are regarded as useless and discriminated against when seeking employment. They are paid a pittance in a pension, many living alone and neglected by their families. Many elderly are institutionalised where they may be exploited financially or be subject to neglect and abuse. Individuals living on the street may be homeless and jobless through their own poor choices or circumstances outside their control. Since they are not ‘productive’ (ie, not paying income tax), they are not regarded as being of value to society. Conversely, we have all seen those global disaster movies where contingency plans for ‘survival of the species’ involves selecting survivors on the basis of their value to re-establishing society when the disaster is over. (OK, the selection process is not entirely based on who will be of value in re-building society. Selection can also be bought by wealthy individuals, as we saw in the movie, “2012”).
Need for validation vs ‘neediness’:
In adults, I need to distinguish between what I regard as the inherent, healthy, natural need for validation and behaviour that reflects unmet emotional needs during childhood. (Emotional needs and how they are met or unmet are discussed in "Self Esteem Parenting").
If parents do not adequately meet child developmental emotional needs for affection, attention and approval during childhood, then as adults, these needs do not simply go away, but remain as unmet. As adults, we continue to attempt to have these unmet needs met – by friends, family members and partners. If you have unmet emotional needs from childhood, then you are not alone since perfectly ideal childhoods with ideal parents are extremely, extremely, extremely rare. Most of us are likely to have some non-pathological residual unmet needs from our childhood. Some, more than others - will be referred to as ‘needy’, ‘approval seeking’ or ‘attention seeking’.
Individuals who court disapproval by attempting to shock or create controversy are also seeking to meet their need for attention (parental validation) which was unmet as children. Individuals with an inflated weak ego may engage in outrageous behaviour motivated purely by a need for recognition, fame or kudos to compensate for unmet needs. Acts of self aggrandisement for public acclaim are a feature of the narcissistic personality which has its roots in unmet or inappropriate parental validation. Individuals who lack any need for validation at all have probably been hurt, let down or
betrayed by someone they trusted so have shut down in self-protection mode – or else they have sociopathic tendencies.
Exploitation of need for validation:
So inherent is both the need for validation and the understanding of this need, that it is often exploited as a means of manipulation. Praise and compliments are legitimate expressions of acknowledgement. We may use them in a positive way to
boost the confidence of someone we care about when we see that person bogged down by negativity and lacking appreciation for their own qualities or efforts. However, insincere praise and compliments can be used as ‘bullshit’ to boost the ego of an unsuspecting target, with the aim of gaining some kind of favour. This may involve a so-called ‘friend’, employer, business transaction or being ingratiating towards an authority figure in order to improve personal or social standing. This may also be done with malicious intent by mean-spirited, small-minded individuals, setting a target up for a ‘fall’ as the victim of a sick joke.
Individuals with a healthy sense of Self Worth have a realistic sense of their value so are more likely to be able to see through such attempts at flattery. Individuals with a low sense of Self Worth generally find it difficult to accept compliments when genuine, but in their need for validation, may fall victim to such exploitation if the flatterer is insistent. Those with a low
sense of Self Worth who compensate with an exaggerated ego are generally unable to discern sincerity in praise so will be vulnerable to manipulation by insincere flattery that further inflates their ego - while the flatterer laughs behind their back.
Conventions of validation:
Society acknowledges and legitimises this role of validation in societal conventions which are not based in politics or law or in expectations of financial reward. What underlies human interactions in a harmonious society is a moral-based ‘code of social conduct’ such as ‘common courtesy’. Manners are based on principles of expressing appreciation for a service with a
‘thank you’, no matter how minor that service may be. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is one of the first lessons children learn in interpersonal exchanges. In exercising consideration and politeness for another, by listening so the speaker feels heard, we are expressing our appreciation for that person as a valued fellow-being. The person being treated with courtesy is being validated. I suggest this provides baseline validation. An extension of this ‘common courtesy’ is respect which is based on valuing others, property and ourselves.
We often hear that ‘respect has to be earned’. I would dispute that statement. Courtesy, consideration and manners do not have to be ‘earned’. Treating others with respect, courtesy and consideration says more about the giver than the receiver. A person with self respect is more likely to treat others with respect. In fact, such a person will treat everyone with respect,
whether it is earned or deserved or not. Not treating others with respect is a sign of a flawed character or weak ego. The respect that is referred to as being ‘earned’ is more about recognition of that person’s character, attitude, ability, service or achievement. This is in addition to being treated with respect simply on the basis of being validated as a worthwhile fellow being.
Society formally acknowledges and legitimises this role of validation by providing conventions for recognition of achievement and service that have been accomplished without expectation of payment or other form of reward. Public
awards reward people, letting them know that they, and what they have done, are valued. An example of being ‘valued for who they are’, in sport, there is an award for ‘fairest player’ which recognises that player’s spirit of sportsmanship and fair play. An example of being ‘valued for what they do’, in sport, there is an award for ‘most improved player’, in recognition of the commitment and effort that player has made. ‘Bravery’ awards recognise selfless acts in which the individual may have risked their own life to save that of another. In celebration of the Queen’s Birthday and Australia Day, honours are awarded in recognition of contributions of time and effort by individuals that have benefited some sector of society. (However, the honour of receiving these awards has been somewhat diminished by undeserving politicians who have been generously financially rewarded for doing a really bad job and continue to benefit financially from ‘jobs for the boys’ and with their snouts in the trough of taxpayers’ money, after retiring from politics). There are awards in specific industries such as ‘small business’, ‘women in small business’, ‘literary’, ‘journalism and reporting’ and various branches of the entertainment industry such as musical performance, movies and television. A more recent addition that acknowledges the importance of nature and the
fragility of our planet is awards for ‘ecological business practices’ in recognition of efforts to implement practices that conserve natural resources and reduce environmental pollution. Members of the military are awarded medals for valour - but there is no thought of being brave or receiving medals when they ‘do what they have to do’ in wartime. Then there are the ‘ordinary’
citizens. They may be humble individuals who simply have a desire to contribute to society by volunteering their time and efforts for charities. They may engage in unglamorous efforts such as picking up rubbish. They may act out of the desire to ‘make a difference’, voluntarily devote time and effort to causes they believe in or are passionate about. These ‘ordinary’ citizens do not seek public recognition, but when it comes, always unexpectedly, they experience a warm fuzzy glow, a dopamine-induced feeling of pleasure.
And that is how I see validation working! That dopamine-induced feeling which we need that makes life feel
worthwhile.
Role of dopamine:
Dopamine (a neurotransmitter or hormone) has several functions depending on the specific area of the brain its action is affecting. One of those roles is as a ‘reward’ hormone when it acts on the ‘pleasure centre’ in the brain, producing the sensation of pleasure. It is also known as a ‘reinforcing’ hormone since behaviour that is rewarded with pleasurable
feelings is likely to be repeated – and repeated, and repeated. The behaviour which triggers this dopamine release is thus driven by the motivation to repeatedly experience the pleasurable sensations. Words, actions or achievements that are acknowledged by other people with praise or expressions of appreciation will trigger off release of dopamine in the brain’s pleasure centre. Likewise, there are activities such as enjoying social interaction with friends (face-to-face, real communication without reliance on alcohol or drugs) that produce feelings of pleasure. This pleasure demonstrates an appreciation of each others’ company. Having ‘connections’ to friends, family and community and knowing you have their support is validating. An appreciation for the beauty of nature or listening to music that ‘touches the soul’ can also release dopamine.
Ok, being thanked for simply ‘passing the salt’ is not going to inject a massive dose of dopamine into the pleasure centre of your brain, resulting in you thinking, “Hey, the world is a wonderful place and it’s great to be alive”. But – just think how you feel when someone fails to treat you with courtesy! How do you react? Do you feel personally offended, as if you have been treated as though you are unworthy of courtesy or as if you didn’t exist at all? Or do you see the lack of courtesy as not being personal to you? Do you see it as a ‘sign of the times’ that ‘no one has values anymore’ and manners don’t seem to matter anymore? Do you simply regard that individual as being a rude ignoramus? Or, do you just sadly shake your head and think what a poor job the parents did in raising that person? As my mother would say, “They weren’t brought up – they were dragged up”! Maybe ‘thank you’ for even trivial services does produce a small drop of dopamine after all - maybe courtesy, consideration, manners and respect contribute to a ‘baseline’ dopamine release.
Acknowledgement and satisfaction are not limited to recognition by others and reference has been made to being valued by self. This includes valuing the inner self and valuing personal experiences that provide pleasure and/or satisfaction. Experiences such as an appreciation for beauty of nature or listening to music that is uplifting or touches the soul or smelling a rose or wriggling toes in wet sand at a wave recedes or watching kittens play, all release dopamine.
Personal satisfaction with who we are or with our achievement or productive effort also trigger off release of dopamine in the pleasure centre - even if no one else is there to give recognition to our efforts. For example, when I get the mower out of the shed, I think to myself, “I am so-o-o-o over cutting grass – I wish it wouldn’t grow so fast”. However, when I finish mowing the grass on my property and look around in admiration at how beautiful it looks, it ‘feels good’. I experience satisfaction for a job well done - dopamine release.
Likewise, many people receive satisfaction from their job, sport, hobby or other activities. Giving generously and selflessly, of money, time and effort to help individuals or the community – other-focus activities - without the motivation of “what’s in this for me?” kind of thinking, also produces a ‘feel good’ sense of satisfaction at having done something worthwhile. Simply feeling valued for who we are and for what we do - whether valued by self or others - and having an appreciation for our meaningful pleasurable experiences and satisfaction in our lives, all produce a sense of wellbeing, which cumulatively, makes life feel worthwhile. Perhaps in encompassing all these 'natural sources' of dopamine release, the concept of validation can be expanded to Validation of our life! Without what I refer to as these 'natural sources' of dopamine, life may feel empty, meaningless, lacking satisfaction and just not worthwhile at all. Without these ‘natural sources’, there is likely to be a dopamine deficit in the pleasure centre of the brain.
Pursuit of hedonism – a 'compensatory’ source of dopamine:
Hence, individuals who do not feel valued or do not have anything ‘rewarding’ or 'satisfying' in their life may be vulnerable to seeking ‘compensatory’ sources of dopamine stimulation in self-focus activities. This can be obtained by ‘instant gratification’ from consumption of substances (such as drugs, alcohol or highly palatable or high calorie food) or behaviour (such as gambling, promiscuous casual sex, pornography, compulsive shopping, out-of-control internet use or computer games) that have the potential to become addictive. These activities are an easy source of dopamine since they do not require character, talent or effort. However, the effect obtained is transient and lacking the satisfaction such as that obtained from validation, so needs to be repeated often. It has been suggested that it is the reinforcing quality of dopamine in the pleasure centre that is responsible for developing addictions. (See ‘ahead’ for an alternative explanation).
Perhaps I can draw an analogy here between the concept of a dopamine deficit in the pleasure centre of the brain and Parkinsonism. One of the functions of dopamine is smooth and coordinated physical movement. When there is a deficit of dopamine in the part of the brain responsible for physical movement, the result is Parkinsonism, a condition characterised by shaky and jerky movement of the head, arms and legs. This dopamine deficit is supplemented by a medicinal form of dopamine to treat the Parkinsonism. Likewise, it could be said that supplementing a dopamine deficit in the brain’s pleasure centre with dopamine provided from compensatory sources (ie, potentially addictive substances and behaviours such as drugs, alcohol, casual sex, pornography, gambling, gaming, shopping, high calorie food) is a form of ‘self medication’ for individuals who do not feel valued and whose lives do not feel rewarding, satisfying and worthwhile. This dopamine deficit and vulnerability to succumbing to compensatory sources of dopamine may be exacerbated by the erosion of values such as ‘common courtesy’. I have hypothesised that ‘common courtesy’ provides a baseline level of validation and dopamine release into the pleasure centre.
Can this dopamine deficit due to lack of validation or lack of anything rewarding or satisfying in a person’s life be the underlying reason for the so-called ‘addictive personality’? This ‘diagnostic term’ is used to account for those who may succeed in overcoming an addiction, only to replace it with an addiction to something else. Genetic explanations for behaviour serve two functions – to absolve the individual from responsibility and to conclude that the condition is untreatable so there is no expectation that the affected individual can change, hence no pressure to change.
Hedonism can be regarded as an inadequate substitute for validation. (More on a "Self Medication Model" in "Drugs and Alcohol" under "More Info"). Like ‘high calorie’ foods (ie, high in sugar, fat, starch and lacking nutrient value) are said to provide ‘empty calories’, hedonic pursuits that are high in ‘dopamine release’, produce ‘empty pleasure’.
‘Liberation’ without Validation:
Those who fought for and achieved liberation from what they perceived to be constraints of moral codes of behaviour regarded their achievements as victorious. They were unaware that they cannot liberate us from our biology. While they thought it was ‘liberating’ to engage in ‘instant gratification’ (eg, drugs, alcohol, casual sex, pornography) and ‘freedom from responsibility’ for personal behaviour, what they did not realise was that there were ‘constraints’ of human biology. They thought pursuing instant gratification without responsibility for consequences was exercising ‘freedom’. Ironically, they are being dictated to by their biology. The human body has survival mechanisms and a capacity for adaptability – so, if validation and natural sources of dopamine are less available, then the body is accepting of dopamine release from whatever compensatory sources are available. Even if that means problems of addiction taking over control. Biological survival mechanisms do not have the capacity to evaluate options and discard those that will have negative outcomes – the brain needs dopamine and it needs it now and any source will do. It is the role of higher brain functions to evaluate options and make intelligent choices that are in the best interests of the individual. When the individual chooses to bypass intelligence and relinquish decision making to lower level biological functions (ie, pursuit of sensate pleasures), it also means relinquishing control – relinquishing freedom. Individuals who are in denial of their addiction defend their choice to seek addictive compensatory sources of dopamine (such as drugs, casual sex, alcohol or cigarettes) by claiming they are adults so are ‘able to make up their own mind’. Delusional. They are not using the adult higher intelligence to make this decision – they have relinquished decision-making to their lower, physiological mind.
Libertarians believed that 'instant gratification', 'non-responsibility', 'permissiveness' and liberation from a moral code of conduct would give them freedom. Ironically, instead of achieving freedom, what the followers of libertarian values have achieved is ‘bondage’. In rejecting decision making by free volition of ‘self regulation’ of behaviour according to a moral code of conduct based on validation - much of society has adopted the ‘bondage’ of hedonistic addictive behaviours which take away free will.
Validation or hedonism?
Given that the mechanism for feeling pleasure is dopamine in the ‘pleasure centre’, then does it really matter which path is utilised – validation or hedonism? Why bother making the effort of self regulation (eg, self discipline, self monitoring, self
evaluation) and consideration for others required for validation if the same outcome can be achieved by self-focused indulgence in pleasure-seeking activities that provide instant gratification? Fact - the outcomes are not the same!
The important point to consider is that dopamine-induced pleasure is itself not the end-point goal, but merely an intermediary mechanism. The role of dopamine is reward, the mechanism which reinforces desired behaviour by producing motivation to repeat the behaviour - again and again and again ad infinitum. Hence, the behaviour that elicits the dopamine-induced pleasure provides its own means of reinforcement. In achieving validation, dopamine-induced pleasure is accompanied by the 'cognitive' component of meaning attributed to the pleasure which produces a cognitive-affective sense of satisfaction or fulfilment which in turn, results in the belief that life is worthwhile. Or, validation of your life! By contrast, dopamine-induced pleasure from compensatory means (ie, instant gratification) lacks any meaning and lacks any sense of satisfaction. Instead, it is accompanied by a sense of emptiness - and the need (ie, craving) to keep repeating the behaviour (ie, addictive) in a futile attempt to fill that emptiness. Just like a lab rat wired up with electrodes implanted into its brain, mindlessly driven to continuously press a lever that stimulates dopamine release in the pleasure centre. Hence, rather than the dopamine-induced pleasure being the endpoint or goal, it is cognitive and the cognitive-affective components of evaluation of yourself and the life you are living as being worthwhile and satisfying that is the true goal.
Hedonic pursuits (ie, behaviour that is engaged in for the express purpose of the pleasure of a ‘dopamine hit’) are going to be empty, meaningless, lack satisfaction, lack fulfilment.
Love and lust:
Surprise! Surprise! Scientists have identified neurological differences between lust and love.‘While lust triggers the part of the brain that responds to pleasure, it seems love lights up the region that gives pleasure meaning, thus is more satisfying’. Hence, the emptiness of meaningless casual sex that fails to provide satisfaction. In the futile pursuit of pleasure to fill the empty void within, this casual sex is repeatedly repeated, thus becoming reinforced by dopamine to become behaviour that is described as promiscuous sex - or sex addiction.
Dopamine and addiction:
Dopamine has been hypothesised as being responsible for addiction, but is that the real answer or just a simplistic one that satisfies those with a narrow focus on psychoactive drugs? Undoubtedly dopamine plays a role, but if you consider all the activities that are natural sources of dopamine release which do not become addictive, then the question of the role of dopamine in addiction needs a wider scope of investigation.
‘Hedonic adaptability’ is a term applied to materialistic sources of pleasure (ie, compensatory sources of dopamine) such as consumerism, acquisition of wealth and possessions. This means that after a time, they fail to produce the same pleasure. We are no longer happy with what we have but want or need more in order to produce the same amount of pleasure we originally felt. It seems that we can never have enough in the pursuit of satisfaction. In drug and alcohol use, this phenomenon of reduced pleasure and the need for more to produce the same effect is referred to as developing tolerance to a drug. ‘Hedonic adaptability’ and ‘tolerance’ are features of addiction.
However, this ‘hedonic adaptability’ and ‘tolerance’ do not develop to what I refer to as natural sources of dopamine. For example, each time I mow the grass on my property, I do not experience this ‘hedonic adaptability’ and I do not feel the need to cut more grass or cut it more often in order to achieve the same satisfaction. In fact, I am in no danger of ever, ever, ever becoming addicted to mowing the grass!!!! Volunteers performing community services experience a sense of satisfaction, but over time and projects, does the satisfaction diminish due to ‘hedonic adaptability’? Do they have to volunteer more often in order to achieve the same satisfaction – and eventually become addicted? Of course not! If you give a friend a hug (or you receive one), both giver and receiver experience a dopamine boost, but after you have given or received a number of hugs over time, does the pleasure experienced each time lessen, due to hedonic adaptability? Do you feel the need to give and
receive more hugs or longer hugs or tighter hugs in order to achieve the same pleasure? Are you at risk of becoming addicted to giving and receiving hugs? Of course not – and what nonsense to even suggest it, yet that is the logical conclusion to draw if it is dopamine per se that is responsible for addiction.
I would suggest an alternative explanation to account for hedonic adaptability, tolerance and addiction. The key is the cognitive component of meaning and the associated cognitive-affective component of satisfaction which is the basis of the
difference between what I have referred to as natural and compensatory sources of dopamine. Natural sources have meaning
and produce satisfaction but compensatory sources are meaningless and produce emptiness. Addiction can therefore result for compensatory sources of dopamine but not for natural sources.
There may appear to be contradictions here in some natural, biological-based behaviours that can result in addictions and this requires clarification. Consumption of food in response to hunger is motivated by the experience of pleasurable feelings. Reproduction of the species is motivated by the pleasure experienced in sexual intercourse. However, in addition to these natural motivations, food and sex also have an acquired motivation (ie, used as compensatory sources of dopamine). For food, acquired motivation is consumption not related to the true physiological needs of the body. It is not true hunger, but may be for pleasure (ie, a dopamine 'hit') or to meet an emotional need for affection or comfort or to relieve boredom, to fill the emptiness due to lack of validation. (Consuming food also releases endorphins which are the body’s own analgaesic. This has a natural function of producing a feel good mood after eating an enjoyable meal that satisfies true hunger, but in comfort eating, functions more as an emotional analgaesic). Likewise with sex. Love gives sex meaning which is satisfying so sex does not become addictive. Lust and promiscuous sex are meaningless and empty, hence addiction and the futile pursuit to find satisfaction.
Summary of sources, role and effects of dopamine
Natural sources:
Role: Reinforcing motivation
* Survival behaviours such as consumption of food and water, procreation.
* Socially desirable behaviours (eg, training kids how to behave involves rewarding desired behaviours with praise, hugs or an enjoyable activity, NOT FOOD or expensive ‘must haves’; dog training involves reinforcing new behaviours with the reward of praise, a small morsel for food or an enjoyable activity such as playing with their ball).
Role: Pleasure that makes life worthwhile
*Enjoyment from recreational activities such as art, music, singing, dancing, beauty of nature, a refreshing swim on a hot day, non-competitive games, entertainment, anything humorous, sex in a loving relationship, antics of a playful pet, a smiling baby.
* Validation from activities that result in recognition of effort and achievement and/or personal satisfaction
Compensatory sources:
* Hedonic activities in pursuit of sensate pleasure such as alcohol, drugs, casual sex, high calorie food, gambling, pornography, non-essential consumerism and materialism.
Effect of dopamine sources – short and long term:
* Enjoyable activities which are a natural source of dopamine produce pleasure plus meaning in a cognitive component of appreciation. Afterwards, there remains a residual effect that is cumulative, contributing to ongoing cognitive-affective sense
of wellbeing.
* Activities that result in validation produce pleasure plus meaning that gives satisfaction/ fulfilment. This is cumulative, producing cognitive-affective sense of life being worthwhile
* Hedonic pursuits that are compensatory sources result in dopamine-induced pleasure which is empty, without meaning, lacking in satisfaction or fulfilment. There is no residual positive effect therefore there is no cumulative benefit. Instead, after the transitory dopamine hit wears off, there is more likely to be ‘let down’, emptiness. This contributes to an ongoing lack of well being and lack of cognitive-affective sense of life being worthwhile. An ongoing pursuit of dopamine ‘hits’ is required to relieve or ward off the ‘emptiness’ and maintain an illusion or delusion of life being ‘fun’.The dopamine ‘reinforces behaviour’ but the repetition becomes an ongoing futile pursuit of satisfaction or fulfilment that is addiction rather than simply repetition.
Stimulating jaded appetites:
When compensatory sources of dopamine lose their effect, (ie, when tolerance develops) there is a pursuit of novel ways to reinstate the original pleasurable experience. Different drugs are combined or used with alcohol in an attempt to recreate the original ‘hit’ experienced. As casual sex becomes even more meaningless and empty, it descends further into soul destroying depths with innovations to achieve pleasure. Pornography that is demeaning to women may be added in preparation for (or in place of) having sex and may lead to adoption of sadism and masochism, bondage and discipline. Cocaine may be used to enhance sexual experiences, but the downside is that afterwards, the user is unable to enjoy sex without cocaine as they find sex without it to be ‘boring’. ‘Asphyxiation’ (by strangulation or a plastic bag over the face) is an attempt at improving sexual experience with the‘near-death’ release of endorphins. We could see the fatal consequences of misjudging this sort of sexual experimentation, in the movie, “Rising Sun”, featuring Sean Connery and Wesley Snipes investigating the death of the beautiful blond found on the boardroom table.
Society addicted:
Since the liberation movements in the second half of the 20th century, moral values were abolished in favour of values of permissiveness, the pursuit of instant gratification in hedonic activities. Shallow values prevail, personality is valued over character, celebrity valued over achievement, sex appeal valued over ability, image valued over substance, narcissistic attention valued over respect. It could be said that society is addicted to compensatory sources of
dopamine in the endless futile pursuit to fill the inner void.
Conclusion - Validation and Happiness:
In accordance with social values and advertising for the past forty-odd years, the pursuit of happiness has been the pursuit of wealth and materialism and the pursuit of self-focus in activities that provide instant gratification. This message is being passed on to educate children, encapsulated in the whimsical, but explicit promo, “Happiness is a Happy Meal”.
However, there is a growing realisation that materialism and instant gratification have not delivered on their promise. Instead, there are low levels of self esteem, wellbeing and life satisfaction and increasing levels of mental illness – and lots of anger in society. There is now a greater awareness that the importance of quality of life is not so much about material wants but more about factors such as mental and emotional wellbeing and happiness. Hence, conferences, discussions and research seek to find the answer to the questions of what happiness is and how to achieve it. Some elements identified that contribute to happiness via dopamine release include: gratitude for what we have, appreciation of nature, acts of kindness, altruism.
I would suggest that validation also contributes to happiness - feeling valued for who you are and for what you do and having sources of satisfaction in your life that make life feel worthwhile, ie, having natural sources of dopamine release in your life. If you do not feel valued (by self and others) and your life is lacking satisfaction and does not feel worthwhile - it is lacking natural sources of dopamine release - then how can you experience happiness?