Secrets or Natural Laws?
A ‘law’ has been described as a principle that works. The principles that underlie the CAARP-ALIAS model of development of Self Worth certainly work, so the eight secrets discussed can be expressed as natural laws of emotional development.
#1. The Law of Self Worth
a) Self Worth provides the essential foundation for Self Esteem.
b) Self Worth is subconscious, a received value, based on the value we perceive our parents place on us. Self Esteem is conscious, a self-constructed value, based on what we value about ourselves.
c) Underlying poor self esteem and wellbeing, and emotional, behavioural and thinking patterns that are dysfunctional or self defeating (such as negative beliefs about self), is some degree of low Self Worth.
#2. The Law of Validation.
a) The most important fundamental emotional need is ‘validation’ – we ‘need to feel valued for who we are and for what we do’ – beginning with the need to feel valued by our parents.
b) Feeling valued by our parents is the meta-feeling (under which is subsumed the five ALIAS feelings).
#3. The Law of Perception and Internalisation.
The value that children believe parents place on them is based on the child's perception, and this perceived value is adopted and internalised as the child’s own value of self – Self Worth.
#4. The Law of Subliminal Messages.
The value perceived by children is subconsciously extracted from the subliminal messages wwhich are implicit in what parents say and do or don’t say and don’t do.
#5. The Law of 'Care Eliciting' and 'Care Giving'.
The onus for receiving ‘care’ is on the child. Children perform ‘care eliciting’ behaviour and the ‘care givers’ are supposed to respond with the appropriate behaviour to meet the child’s emotional needs.
#6. The Law of Innate Emotional Needs.
There are five feelings (ALIAS) that children need to experience which contribute to the meta-feeling of feeling valued and development of Self Worth.
#7. The Law of Innate Parenting Responsibilities.
There are five classes of parenting behaviour (CAARP) which will elicit the corresponding ALIAS feelings that children need to experience in order to feel valued and develop Self Worth.
#8. The Law of Parental Betrayal of Child Trust.
a) When a parent betrays a child’s trust, the child will experience some degree of anger which must be ‘repressed’ so as not to alienate that parent, on whom the child is dependent for 'care'.
b) Betrayal of trust involves violation of the child’s innate emotional needs and correspondingly, violation of innate parental responsibilities to meet those needs.
#1. The Law of Self Worth
a) Self Worth provides the essential foundation for Self Esteem.
b) Self Worth is subconscious, a received value, based on the value we perceive our parents place on us. Self Esteem is conscious, a self-constructed value, based on what we value about ourselves.
c) Underlying poor self esteem and wellbeing, and emotional, behavioural and thinking patterns that are dysfunctional or self defeating (such as negative beliefs about self), is some degree of low Self Worth.
#2. The Law of Validation.
a) The most important fundamental emotional need is ‘validation’ – we ‘need to feel valued for who we are and for what we do’ – beginning with the need to feel valued by our parents.
b) Feeling valued by our parents is the meta-feeling (under which is subsumed the five ALIAS feelings).
#3. The Law of Perception and Internalisation.
The value that children believe parents place on them is based on the child's perception, and this perceived value is adopted and internalised as the child’s own value of self – Self Worth.
#4. The Law of Subliminal Messages.
The value perceived by children is subconsciously extracted from the subliminal messages wwhich are implicit in what parents say and do or don’t say and don’t do.
#5. The Law of 'Care Eliciting' and 'Care Giving'.
The onus for receiving ‘care’ is on the child. Children perform ‘care eliciting’ behaviour and the ‘care givers’ are supposed to respond with the appropriate behaviour to meet the child’s emotional needs.
#6. The Law of Innate Emotional Needs.
There are five feelings (ALIAS) that children need to experience which contribute to the meta-feeling of feeling valued and development of Self Worth.
#7. The Law of Innate Parenting Responsibilities.
There are five classes of parenting behaviour (CAARP) which will elicit the corresponding ALIAS feelings that children need to experience in order to feel valued and develop Self Worth.
#8. The Law of Parental Betrayal of Child Trust.
a) When a parent betrays a child’s trust, the child will experience some degree of anger which must be ‘repressed’ so as not to alienate that parent, on whom the child is dependent for 'care'.
b) Betrayal of trust involves violation of the child’s innate emotional needs and correspondingly, violation of innate parental responsibilities to meet those needs.