Child Needs Unmet
When ALIAS needs are met, the child will develop a strong, healthy sense of Self Worth – the sound foundation for Self Esteem and long term Emotional Wellbeing. Some common examples in this section illustrate the long term impact of ALIAS needs being unmet. There are also examples of when kids adopt a behaviour which receives parental validation, they may adopt that behaviour lifelong in the expectation that it will always be a source of validation. However, as an adult, that behaviour may fail to elicit validation but become dysfunctional.
References are made to ‘Child Ego States’ in some of the examples. You are probably familiar with the concept of an ‘inner child’, either a ‘free child’ who needs to have fun or a ‘wounded child’ who needs healing. Actually, we have more than that. Child Ego States encapsulate formative experiences as a child and may also represent unresolved emotions. The ongoing
problem is that these ego states (and any ‘stuff’ they represent) cannot simply be relegated to the past but actually exist in a time warp, believing that past circumstances are still current, in the here-and-now of the present. Hence, from our subconscious mind, they continue to exert their influence on our adult life, our attitudes, beliefs about self, patterns of behaviour, motivations and emotional reactions. Sometimes we are aware of this link with childhood, but often we are not, so we may keep repeating dysfunctional situations.
References are made to ‘Child Ego States’ in some of the examples. You are probably familiar with the concept of an ‘inner child’, either a ‘free child’ who needs to have fun or a ‘wounded child’ who needs healing. Actually, we have more than that. Child Ego States encapsulate formative experiences as a child and may also represent unresolved emotions. The ongoing
problem is that these ego states (and any ‘stuff’ they represent) cannot simply be relegated to the past but actually exist in a time warp, believing that past circumstances are still current, in the here-and-now of the present. Hence, from our subconscious mind, they continue to exert their influence on our adult life, our attitudes, beliefs about self, patterns of behaviour, motivations and emotional reactions. Sometimes we are aware of this link with childhood, but often we are not, so we may keep repeating dysfunctional situations.
