Essential Principles of Parenting:
Anger
Secret #8.
Why is there so much aggressive behaviour, nastiness, bullying, violence, vandalism, animal torture and ‘alcohol-fuelled’ violence among our youth? Why is there so much juvenile crime?
There is no mystery, but the secret is that it is anger that has been repressed and directed on to soft targets that won’t hit back. And the source of this anger is? As already referred to, it is because ALIAS needs have been violated by parents. While some parents have done this deliberately or out of indifference, mostly it has been done unwittingly because of lack of
awareness of the emotional needs of kids and how to meet them. There has been a lack of understanding of the significant role of emotional development in contributing to cognitive and behavioural development. There has been lack of understanding of the implications for long term mental and emotional wellbeing and the impact this has on all areas of functioning in life – relationships, work and career and recreation. There has been a focus on meeting the physical and educational needs of kids and indulging their social ‘rights’ to have wants and desires met. Meanwhile, their innate emotional needs have been largely ignored or overlooked. Largely, kids’ emotional needs have been unmet or violated due to parents being misled. (Suggest: Read “Parents Misled” under "More Info").
Alcohol has been blamed for much of the violence that erupts at parties, sporting venues and in and around venues selling alcohol. However, alcohol does not cause violence. What alcohol does is 'switch off' the part of the brain responsible for ’social inhibition’, thus revealing the real nature of the drinker. So, if the person has been repressing anger, it will be revealed under the influence of alcohol. (Suggest: Read “Drugs and Alcohol” under "More Info").
Violent movies and computer games have also been blamed for desensitisatin to vioence and/or causing violence. These probably do have a negative influence rewiring the developing brain if young kids are exposed to them and there has long been evidence that young kids engage in more aggressive behaviour after watching violent images. Otherwise, for older kids and adolescents, any influence is not causal in promoting violence but is influencing a receptive mind. By that, I mean that violent forms of entertainment facilitate expression of anger that already exists but has been repressed. (Suggest: Read “Repressed Anger” under "More Info"). Which brings us back to the question of ‘why’ all the anger?
However, it is not just parents who are violating kids’ needs. It is also government policies and marketing practices of unethical businesses that are violating kids’ needs, particularly their need to feel safe. Governments are supposed to play a role in protection of members of society. Yet, in spite of child protection policies, it is government policies that actually violate kids’ needs, particularly the need to feel safe. Examples include removal of authority by parents and teachers (to provide guidance, teach responsibility for consequences of behaviour and impose discipline) and other policies that undermine family values, mentioned in “Parents Misled” (under "More Info"). Libertarian policies have facilitated permissive activities (such as promoting the rights to use drugs, engage in promiscuous sex, and extended availability of alcohol) and virtually abolished censorship (facilitating access to pornography and graphic, sensate violence in entertainment and gaming).
Government policies not only fail to provide moral protection but actively expose kids to moral danger, thereby violating
the responsibility to protect kids, leaving them vulnerable to exploitation by the unscrupulous businesses. Kids and adolescents lack the brain development to evaluate situations and make intelligent, forward-thinking decisions. The human brain does not mature physiologically until the mid-twenties and legislation stating that an eighteen-year-old is an adult does not make it so. Until such time as their brains are mature enough to make mature decisions, kids and adolescents need guidance and protection. Parents and governments have a responsibility and a duty of care to provide this protection. Businesses also aught to have a conscience, a social responsibility, but a fundamental principle in business practice is to 'understand your target market, then exploit that information to manipulate this target’. Food manufacturing industries exploit human biology in their products – boosting food with sugar, fat and salt to exploit the biological taste preference for sweet, salt and fat. This is no
coincidence – it is purely exploitation of knowledge of our biology and since the harmful effects of this kind of food on obesity and related lifestyle diseases is known, such exploitation is unethical. And governments permit them to continue to exploit while they undermine the health of society.
Misleading promotion is also used that exploits the public’s lack of knowledge. For example, red wine has been promoted as being ‘good for you’ and the daily consumption of red wine has been justified in the belief that it was healthy for the heart and lowered blood pressure. More recently, the truth has been revealed – it is 'non-alcoholic' red wine that is beneficial to health. The alcohol in the wine counteracts any healthy effects, meaning red wine is only good for the health of drinkers if the alcohol is removed before it is consumed. Another piece of promotional nonsense is research that claims that
‘alcohol could be the secret to a happy marriage’. The evidence for this claim is that ‘couples who share a bottle of wine at least once a week enjoy marital life more that those who do not’. ‘They found that concordance - where partners have roughly the same amount of alcohol and at the same time – bred happiness’. What a load of codswallop! This is an absurd claim that simply keeping up with a partner, matching drink-for-drink, is the basis of a happy relationship. An alternative, more plausible explanation for the happier marriages probably lies in the concept of concordance. This implies these couples enjoy greater compatibility and have similar values and interests in common. Rather than being responsible for their happiness, drinking together just happens to be one activity they enjoy together. Undoubtedly this research was funded by the alcohol industry.
Human psychology is exploited to some degree in the promotion strategies of most businesses, but there are those who actively target vulnerabilities. Government policies give licence to unscrupulous businesses to exploit the vulnerability of kids and adolescents with targeted, unethical marketing practices. For example, the alcohol industry is accused of ‘grooming children to drink’ by marketing alco-pop drinks. Another range of 'grooming' products is booze-flavoured chips, chocolate and biscuits. Alcohol has a distinctly unpleasant, off-putting taste, so disguising this in sweet foods and drinks facilitates getting kids hooked on alcohol at a young age. There are also marketing ploys in gaming, social media and mobile phone apps. The Australian Medical Association has expressed concern at the subliminal messages directed at kids, normalising alcohol consumption. Another unethical example of this ‘normalising’ of drinking and 'grooming' kids to drink alcohol is a range of ‘mock alcoholic’ ice tea drinks. Referred to as ‘Virgin Cocktails’, they have ‘alcoholic names’, even though they do not contain alcohol. They are given legitimacy of an apparent endorsement by a respected Australian actor and father, whose picture is on the drinks.
Government policies have exposed kids to this danger but governments lack the political will to address the issue. Or more to the point, governments benefit from excise taxes and also lack the political will to risk offending the alcohol industry. Vulnerable members of society are addicted to alcohol, cigarettes and gambling and government is said to be addicted to the taxes it receives for these activities.
The subliminal message kids receive from government is, “Your moral safety, your physical safety and your health are not government priorities, we deny responsibility to provide policies that ensure your protection - we do not value the youth of society, you are not important to us – our priority is protecting the interests of the alcohol industry and the excise revenue they generate - we do not care that they exploit you - you are not worthy of protection”.
Conclusion:
In brief, parents are responsible for building a foundation of a healthy sense of Self Worth. Grandparents, child care workers, teachers, coaches, peers and other significant people in your child’s life can supplement parents’ efforts in building Self Worth, but they can NEVER serve as a substitute for parents. So much of parenting is now being ‘outsourced’ to professionals
or family, but there are parental responsibilities that CANNOT be outsourced and produce successful outcomes. Building Self Worth is an evolutionary innate parental responsibility and this CANNOT be abrogated on the whim of social experiments, changes in fashion, ideology, social values, political agendas, policy making and laws. It is not the fault of teachers that kids are disobedient, aggressive, bullying, out of control and disruptive to classroom teaching. Parents are responsible for how their kids turn out – their Self Worth, manners, moral values, character, resilience, behaviour and long term mental and emotional wellbeing – but parents have been misled.
For a discussion on whose fault less-than-ideal parenting really is, read “Parents Misled” under "More Info", because that explains where poor Self Esteem and Wellbeing have their origins in ideologies and social policies that have misled society as a whole, and parents in particular.
Your Self-Understanding as an adult:
If anything on this page relates to you, don't put up with it and don't expect others to either. What can you do abut it? 'Anger management' is one way to go, but I don't think that goes far enough. I prefer to get rid of it and that can be done by addressing these childhood issues with hypnotherapy.
Why is there so much aggressive behaviour, nastiness, bullying, violence, vandalism, animal torture and ‘alcohol-fuelled’ violence among our youth? Why is there so much juvenile crime?
There is no mystery, but the secret is that it is anger that has been repressed and directed on to soft targets that won’t hit back. And the source of this anger is? As already referred to, it is because ALIAS needs have been violated by parents. While some parents have done this deliberately or out of indifference, mostly it has been done unwittingly because of lack of
awareness of the emotional needs of kids and how to meet them. There has been a lack of understanding of the significant role of emotional development in contributing to cognitive and behavioural development. There has been lack of understanding of the implications for long term mental and emotional wellbeing and the impact this has on all areas of functioning in life – relationships, work and career and recreation. There has been a focus on meeting the physical and educational needs of kids and indulging their social ‘rights’ to have wants and desires met. Meanwhile, their innate emotional needs have been largely ignored or overlooked. Largely, kids’ emotional needs have been unmet or violated due to parents being misled. (Suggest: Read “Parents Misled” under "More Info").
Alcohol has been blamed for much of the violence that erupts at parties, sporting venues and in and around venues selling alcohol. However, alcohol does not cause violence. What alcohol does is 'switch off' the part of the brain responsible for ’social inhibition’, thus revealing the real nature of the drinker. So, if the person has been repressing anger, it will be revealed under the influence of alcohol. (Suggest: Read “Drugs and Alcohol” under "More Info").
Violent movies and computer games have also been blamed for desensitisatin to vioence and/or causing violence. These probably do have a negative influence rewiring the developing brain if young kids are exposed to them and there has long been evidence that young kids engage in more aggressive behaviour after watching violent images. Otherwise, for older kids and adolescents, any influence is not causal in promoting violence but is influencing a receptive mind. By that, I mean that violent forms of entertainment facilitate expression of anger that already exists but has been repressed. (Suggest: Read “Repressed Anger” under "More Info"). Which brings us back to the question of ‘why’ all the anger?
However, it is not just parents who are violating kids’ needs. It is also government policies and marketing practices of unethical businesses that are violating kids’ needs, particularly their need to feel safe. Governments are supposed to play a role in protection of members of society. Yet, in spite of child protection policies, it is government policies that actually violate kids’ needs, particularly the need to feel safe. Examples include removal of authority by parents and teachers (to provide guidance, teach responsibility for consequences of behaviour and impose discipline) and other policies that undermine family values, mentioned in “Parents Misled” (under "More Info"). Libertarian policies have facilitated permissive activities (such as promoting the rights to use drugs, engage in promiscuous sex, and extended availability of alcohol) and virtually abolished censorship (facilitating access to pornography and graphic, sensate violence in entertainment and gaming).
Government policies not only fail to provide moral protection but actively expose kids to moral danger, thereby violating
the responsibility to protect kids, leaving them vulnerable to exploitation by the unscrupulous businesses. Kids and adolescents lack the brain development to evaluate situations and make intelligent, forward-thinking decisions. The human brain does not mature physiologically until the mid-twenties and legislation stating that an eighteen-year-old is an adult does not make it so. Until such time as their brains are mature enough to make mature decisions, kids and adolescents need guidance and protection. Parents and governments have a responsibility and a duty of care to provide this protection. Businesses also aught to have a conscience, a social responsibility, but a fundamental principle in business practice is to 'understand your target market, then exploit that information to manipulate this target’. Food manufacturing industries exploit human biology in their products – boosting food with sugar, fat and salt to exploit the biological taste preference for sweet, salt and fat. This is no
coincidence – it is purely exploitation of knowledge of our biology and since the harmful effects of this kind of food on obesity and related lifestyle diseases is known, such exploitation is unethical. And governments permit them to continue to exploit while they undermine the health of society.
Misleading promotion is also used that exploits the public’s lack of knowledge. For example, red wine has been promoted as being ‘good for you’ and the daily consumption of red wine has been justified in the belief that it was healthy for the heart and lowered blood pressure. More recently, the truth has been revealed – it is 'non-alcoholic' red wine that is beneficial to health. The alcohol in the wine counteracts any healthy effects, meaning red wine is only good for the health of drinkers if the alcohol is removed before it is consumed. Another piece of promotional nonsense is research that claims that
‘alcohol could be the secret to a happy marriage’. The evidence for this claim is that ‘couples who share a bottle of wine at least once a week enjoy marital life more that those who do not’. ‘They found that concordance - where partners have roughly the same amount of alcohol and at the same time – bred happiness’. What a load of codswallop! This is an absurd claim that simply keeping up with a partner, matching drink-for-drink, is the basis of a happy relationship. An alternative, more plausible explanation for the happier marriages probably lies in the concept of concordance. This implies these couples enjoy greater compatibility and have similar values and interests in common. Rather than being responsible for their happiness, drinking together just happens to be one activity they enjoy together. Undoubtedly this research was funded by the alcohol industry.
Human psychology is exploited to some degree in the promotion strategies of most businesses, but there are those who actively target vulnerabilities. Government policies give licence to unscrupulous businesses to exploit the vulnerability of kids and adolescents with targeted, unethical marketing practices. For example, the alcohol industry is accused of ‘grooming children to drink’ by marketing alco-pop drinks. Another range of 'grooming' products is booze-flavoured chips, chocolate and biscuits. Alcohol has a distinctly unpleasant, off-putting taste, so disguising this in sweet foods and drinks facilitates getting kids hooked on alcohol at a young age. There are also marketing ploys in gaming, social media and mobile phone apps. The Australian Medical Association has expressed concern at the subliminal messages directed at kids, normalising alcohol consumption. Another unethical example of this ‘normalising’ of drinking and 'grooming' kids to drink alcohol is a range of ‘mock alcoholic’ ice tea drinks. Referred to as ‘Virgin Cocktails’, they have ‘alcoholic names’, even though they do not contain alcohol. They are given legitimacy of an apparent endorsement by a respected Australian actor and father, whose picture is on the drinks.
Government policies have exposed kids to this danger but governments lack the political will to address the issue. Or more to the point, governments benefit from excise taxes and also lack the political will to risk offending the alcohol industry. Vulnerable members of society are addicted to alcohol, cigarettes and gambling and government is said to be addicted to the taxes it receives for these activities.
The subliminal message kids receive from government is, “Your moral safety, your physical safety and your health are not government priorities, we deny responsibility to provide policies that ensure your protection - we do not value the youth of society, you are not important to us – our priority is protecting the interests of the alcohol industry and the excise revenue they generate - we do not care that they exploit you - you are not worthy of protection”.
Conclusion:
In brief, parents are responsible for building a foundation of a healthy sense of Self Worth. Grandparents, child care workers, teachers, coaches, peers and other significant people in your child’s life can supplement parents’ efforts in building Self Worth, but they can NEVER serve as a substitute for parents. So much of parenting is now being ‘outsourced’ to professionals
or family, but there are parental responsibilities that CANNOT be outsourced and produce successful outcomes. Building Self Worth is an evolutionary innate parental responsibility and this CANNOT be abrogated on the whim of social experiments, changes in fashion, ideology, social values, political agendas, policy making and laws. It is not the fault of teachers that kids are disobedient, aggressive, bullying, out of control and disruptive to classroom teaching. Parents are responsible for how their kids turn out – their Self Worth, manners, moral values, character, resilience, behaviour and long term mental and emotional wellbeing – but parents have been misled.
For a discussion on whose fault less-than-ideal parenting really is, read “Parents Misled” under "More Info", because that explains where poor Self Esteem and Wellbeing have their origins in ideologies and social policies that have misled society as a whole, and parents in particular.
Your Self-Understanding as an adult:
If anything on this page relates to you, don't put up with it and don't expect others to either. What can you do abut it? 'Anger management' is one way to go, but I don't think that goes far enough. I prefer to get rid of it and that can be done by addressing these childhood issues with hypnotherapy.